Snow Who? by Janey Willis

Once upon a time, not so long ago, in a kingdom pretty far away, I lived in a castle just outside the kingdom. Almost everyone hated me, but hey, I was pretty evil, so I guess I can’t blame them.

The king and queen were blessed with a daughter, Aurora, and oh, she was beautiful. But as I said, back then I was pretty mad at the world, so I wanted her to suffer. After those stupid little fairies cast their good spell on her, I cursed her to die on her sixteenth birthday. Her parents feared, so she all of a sudden disappeared.

“Oh why have we not found her all these years?” I asked my henchmen one day.  Well, it turns out that the stupidheads had been looking for a baby for sixteen years.  “You idiots," I said. "She is sixteen now! Look for a young woman.”

 “Uh, yeah. OK,” babbled my main henchman.

I knew that they would not find her so I went onto Facebook and looked and looked for a girl like her, I could not find anything. It was useless.  So, I waited patiently in my palace watching reruns of SuperNanny and eating leftover Chinese food until my iPhone rang. It was my henchman. He had found the princess living in cottage in the woods. He told me that Aurora had seen the prince, and that it just happened to be her sixteenth birthday, and that she was going to the kingdom that night to get married.

I was thrilled.

I could lure her to a spinning wheel and make her die!  I got up from my bed, took off my fuzzy bathrobe and slipped into my, 'evil gown’, as I called it. I put on my very white make-up and horns, and I looked evil again, just like that. As I walked out the door I grabbed my staff and a raven named Lucifer and was ready to raise hell at the royal wedding. I arrived just as Princess Aurora did. She was pretty bent out of shape because she had met her true love that day, only to have to leave to go marry some prince. Little did she know that the prince was the person she was marrying.

Yeah, what a coincidence.

I got to where she was getting ready for her wedding and saw her there crying her eyes out in a wedding gown. Back then I enjoyed people who were sad, so this made me laugh. I did not see the fairies around, so I cast a spell on her to go and prick herself. Without her even thinking she went to the top tower and pricked herself and died.  I got away before they knew it was me that had done it. You know the rest. Her parents got very mad, the fairies cast a spell to make her sleep until she got true love's kiss. 

Here's what you don't know: After that I quickly got back to my palace in the mountains. And just as I was getting into my bubble bath I heard the doorbell ring.

 “Lucille!”  I yelled to my maid. “Get the door now!"

 “Yes, ma’am!” she yelled back

Boy was I scared when that prince ran into my bathroom, with me naked as the day I was born! I put my robe on and we went at it for a while. As you all think he killed me, but I'm a player. I played dead, and as soon as he left to give Aurora her true love's kiss and then they got married.

I hopped a plane to L.A. for a while so they would not catch me.

I decided to move after that–being evil wasn’t any fun in that kingdom anymore. I got a husband, moved to the suburbs, and had kids, and now I’m a soccer mom by day and an evil witch by night.

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